Reach Out

[nightburst]

TITLE: Reach Out
FANDOM: Persona 4
CHARACTERS: Seta Souji (Narukami Yu), Hanamura Yosuke
WARNINGS: N/A
WORD COUNT: 1,742
CHAPTERS: 1/1
NOTES: Sequel to Rank 9.5/Partner.
SUMMARY: Yosuke wants to hold Souji's hand.




FIC GOES HERE
Okay, Yosuke. It's just holding hands. With a guy. How hard can it be? All you do is reach out and... grab his hand, and...

They've been sitting in Souji's room for roughly an hour, going over study materials. That was the plan, anyway. In reality, Yosuke has spent half of this time agonizing over the subject of Souji's hands. And holding them. His fingers are long and elegant, and Yosuke is sure they're warm to the touch. They'd lace perfectly through his own fingers.

The old Yosuke would have willed himself to stop thinking thoughts this gay, run off to take a chilly shower. The current Yosuke, well, he still harbors those sentiments to a degree, but they're more or less intrusive. He wants to accept this part of himself, hard as it may be. He faced his own Shadow before and earned himself a Persona. He can do this. He's not weak.

Sometimes he has to make compromises with himself, though.

Pretend it's not a guy. It's only Souji, who... is a guy, but... In the right light, he could look like a girl? Long, elegant fingers are kind of girly? Er... maybe not. Girls kind of have smaller hands, and...

This train of thought is stupid and he knows it.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you're paying attention," Souji says, glancing up from his textbook.

"I'm paying attention!" Yosuke exclaims, which he didn't really need to do, because now it seems like something's up. "Um, it's quadratic equations, right?"

Souji rests his chin in his palm, corner of his mouth upturned in an almost-smirk.

"That was three pages ago," Souji says.

"Ha...! Yeah, I was just testing you, partner."

"Mhm."

Souji drums his fingers against the worktable. Yosuke gulps.

"You've been staring at my hands," Souji says.

"I -- no way!" Yosuke says. Denying it so vehemently will only seem suspicious, but it's too late to sound any calmer.

Souji presses on. "Do you want me to do something with them?"

Yosuke turns as red as any of Yukiko's sweaters.

"Whatever you're imagining, no," Yosuke replies, warmth spreading from his neck to his face. He's been getting so blushy around Souji these days, it's embarrassing.

"I'm not imagining anything," Souji says mildly. "But it appears that you are."

"Sometimes I wanna deck you," Yosuke says with a sigh.

"I mean, you already have," Souji says. "I'm almost disappointed you don't fight with your bare fists in the TV World."

"Don't say it like that!" Yosuke says. "It makes it sounds like I just beat you up!"

Souji bows his head and laughs, eyes shut and shoulders shaking. Yosuke smiles despite himself.

"I gave as good as I got, right?" Souji asks.

"Oh, definitely," says Yosuke. "You almost busted my lip, remember?"

"Yeah, that's right," Souji says, mirth melting into a frown. Whoops, thinks Yosuke. Time for damage control.

"But -- you know, that's what I wanted!" Yosuke says.

"That sounds masochistic," Souji says.

"N-no!" Yosuke says. "I'm not -- look, if I'm a masochist, then you're definitely a sadist."

"I don't tease you that much," Souji says.

"No," concedes Yosuke. "But when you do it's a critical hit."

"Too bad teasing Shadows doesn't work," Souji says, and there's an oddly serious glint in his eye. "To the best of my knowledge."

"Dude, if you start trying to experiment with teasing Shadows to death, we're the ones who're gonna get killed. Besides, they don't have any... what is it, an ego? They don't have an ego. There's nothing to poke fun at."

"You're right," says Souji, clearly disappointed.

"You're one weird guy," says Yosuke.

"That's true," says Souji.

"You could at least deny it. Have some pride as a man!"

"But it's true."

"This is why you're weird!"

"It's why you like me."

"That's. Also true," Yosuke says, bringing his hand to his mouth and clearing his throat.

Right. Hands. He didn't need to be reminded about hands. He glances from his hand to Souji's. Have Souji's nails always been so... immaculate? Never bitten, practically manicured, not even chipped from combat.

"Hey, Partner..."

"Hm?"

"If I ask you to just. Close your eyes for a sec, would you do it?"

"Sure," says Souji, who immediately closes his eyes.

"S-seriously?! You're not even gonna ask what I'm gonna do?"

"Surprise me," says Souji.

Crazy. This guy's crazy. Or maybe Yosuke's the crazy one for making him close his eyes over something so stupid. But he won't be able to bring himself to do it if Souji's watching.

Yosuke reaches over the table and brushes his fingers against Souji's hand, the one not cupping his chin. Souji doesn't move or even make a sound of acknowledgment. Feeling his palms getting sweaty, he hastily wipes his hand on his pants and reaches out again.

Souji's smile seems to get a little bigger. Bastard.

Yosuke steels himself, slips his fingers under Souji's, and loosely interlocks their hands together. Souji squeezes his hand and Yosuke startles, inadvertently staring to jerk his hand away before he stop himself. Souji releases Yosuke’s hand, and Yosuke chides himself for having fucked up. In an instant, he’s re-establishing their connection, squeezing Souji’s hand back.

“Sorry,” Yosuke says. “I just -- sorry.”

“It’s okay,” says Souji, and Yosuke wonders where he gets that saintly patience from.

"Should I keep my eyes closed?" Souji asks.

"No," says Yosuke. "It's embarrassing, but... no."

Souji's eyes flutter open and he rubs his thumb over the back of Yosuke's hand soothingly, bearing a kindly smile now rather than a mischievous one.

“I figured this is what you wanted,” Souji says softly. “You could have asked.”

“That’s even more embarrassing,” Yosuke says, trying not to sound like he’s whining.

“I’ll hold hands with you anytime you want,” Souji says.

“O-only when we’re alone,” Yosuke says. “Nobody in the group is gonna let us live it down if they see.”

“They’ll all get used to it,” Souji says, so assured that Yosuke has a hard time not believing him. “They’re our friends, remember?”

“Yeah, but... everybody else won’t understand,” Yosuke says. “We’ll get stares if we hold hands in public.”

“I can’t deny that could happen,” says Souji. “In fact, in a small town like this, it’s likely."

“Not really helping here, partner,” Yosuke says, shoulders slumping.

“But remember that we’re not wrong for this. They can whisper to themselves all they like. We don’t have to change for their sakes.”

“Doesn’t public opinion bother you at all?”

“Not really.”

“...I should have known you’d say that,” says Yosuke. Souji Seta’s confidence is on a whole different level.

“I understand it bothers you, though, so we don’t have to hold hands in public.”

Yosuke grimaces, guilt swelling in his chest. “You... shouldn’t have to compromise because I have issues.”

“Relationships are about compromise,” says Souji. “It would be wrong of me to force you into being more public about this than you’re comfortable with.”

“Still... I feel like I’m holding you back, somehow. Like you could be with somebody who’s not such a coward,” says Yosuke, bitterness seeping into his voice.

“You’re not a coward,” says Souji, and he leans across the table so he can clasp both hands over Yosuke’s.

The intensity of Souji’s stare is too much for Yosuke; it’s like he’s staring into the sun. He looks down at Souji’s two hands clasping his one. A moment’s hesitation, and then he’s firmly placing his free hand over Souji’s.

“That means a lot coming from you," says Yosuke. “You’re like the bravest person I know.”

“I can only be brave because I have you and the others at my side,” says Souji. “Alone, I’m just...”

He trails off.

The life Souji lead before he came to Inaba has always been left up to Yosuke’s imagination, but there’s one thing he knows for sure: it’s that Souji has never once mentioned any friends he left behind in the city.

“Good thing you’re not alone then,” says Yosuke, realizing that Souji’s not about to finish that sentence. In a way, he’s relieved that Souji doesn’t. “You won’t ever be alone as long as I’m alive.”

“...Thank you,” says Souji. “Thank you, Yosuke.”

Yosuke’s not sure he’s ever heard Souji sound so relieved, so grateful before. Tenderness spreads across Souji’s face and Yosuke swears he glows.

“You won’t be able to get rid of me even if you want to. I’m stuck on you like glue,” Yosuke says, and immediately wants to cringe at how corny he sounds.

“Good,” says Souji in all sincerity. “You don’t know how glad I am.”

This is a side to Souji that Yosuke rarely sees. Souji’s so good at hiding his vulnerabilities; he probably feels like he has to, having accepted the mantle of “leader”.

“Y’know, if you wanna talk about anything, I’m here for you, partner. It’s not fair if I’m the only one dumping my feelings here,” says Yosuke with a little chuckle at the end to lighten his words.

“Right,” says Souji.

“I’m serious,” Yosuke says, more firmly. “You don’t have to keep everything inside.”

“...You’re right,” says Souji. “I’m used to it, though.”

“You shouldn’t be,” says Yosuke, clasping Souji’s hands tighter unconsciously. Did Souji really have no one to talk to back in the city? What about his parents? Can he not rely on them...?

“I know,” says Souji. “I know.”

“I don’t know what things were like for you before you came here, but it’s different now. You have friends. You have me. And you can tell me anything,” says Yosuke.

Souji sighs, but not unhappily. “You were honest about your feelings when I wasn’t... I owe you some truths,” he says.

“It doesn’t have to be right this second,” says Yosuke. “But... sometime, okay? That’s what partners are for.”

“I promise,” says Souji, and Yosuke knows that Souji does not break promises.

“We’ve been holding hands all this time,” Souji then says.

“O-oh, yeah, we have,” says Yosuke. “I guess it’s not as embarrassing as I thought...”

“My hands are getting kind of sweaty,” says Souji.

“Wow. Way to ruin it,” says Yosuke.

“Aren’t yours getting sweaty too?”

“Well. Y-yeah.”

At last, they separate their (indeed sweaty) hands.

“...So, we were actually covering geometry --”

“You’re going back to math just like that?! After all that... emotional stuff?!”

“We do need to get some studying done. More specifically, you do.”

“Kiss my ass, Souji Seta.”